Ok I admit it, I'm frustrated. For as awesome musing I got last week, this one is starting to suck rotten eggs. Not really, but today at least. I skipped going in to work on my day off to stay home because I KNEW I had fun shit I was going to write.

Plus, it's mostly Kurt's fault. I woke up at ten and had him in my head going no way baby, you're allowed to sleep longer. So I stretched like a cat, wrapped up in boatloads of snuggly blanket and mused him up rubbing the tension out of my body. Kurt seems to think Tuesday is his day to bug me, or something.

I know what I need. I need a room where there is no laundry or dishes or cleaning to be done. No cats of the cuteness meowing and all with the antics. Just me and my muses trying to get on paper the ideas that float around in my head all day when I'm working twelve hours at Graeter's frustrated that I can't be writing.

I spend all day at work, wishing like hell I could be at home writing full time. Then I get a day off, and it's totally wasted. Jason's got me watching a DVD that's really cute and funny but about four hours ago, I had the voice of Loki in my head bugging the living HELL out of Damian. And I just know it would have been brilliant. I left him hanging yesterday morning, being a total 22 year old, freaking out. And I could see that place of his in Alaska where he goes to shut out the Loki when the insanity gets to be too much. Well, used to.

I know, I know. Who's Damian and what's he got to do with Loki. Like everything I write, it's complicated. Some people IRL find out I kick around with writing and go OH, what do you write? With that half interested caring way when someone talks about their passion but it's not yours so you can't get excited about it. Stammer stammer, mumble something incoherent about knights and vampires and they think I'm a total freak. Which btw Dame says I am, so it's all even. And heaven help me if I have to explain Ren or Joey.

So let me make it real simple. LIke any one gives a god damn or bothers to read this except people who already know Ren and Joey quite well. Here's me saying fuck you and the damn horse you rode in on for not caring that after thirty years, I found something that makes me happy, that's all me.

Jason wants to know why I don't write something that could be sold, instead of RP all the time. Hello, it's called process. I've got a long way to go before my world is ready for the general public, if ever. That isn't why I started writing any damn way. I write because i have to. I can't just go back to ho hum colleen of the doesn't hear voices. I can't slam the door to the Muse house shut without knowing how Kurt meets Kaelandra, what the fuck happens in THAT scenario. Does Tucker ever actually kill Aden or was that some muse trick. Is anyone ever going to figure out that Tucker Murdock Senior, the senator, Parker's FAther! Is... well, that would be spoiling it, but let's just say he's an old nemesis of Lucien's brother Robin.

Yes, I write about Arthurian Legend and you can kiss my ass, Ok you can kiss KURTS ass, if you don't like the fact that I took bits and pieces and twisted them into something I love.

I'm sorry that I can't see "Lancelot" and not see a perverted very sexually oriented Fae, sometimes with wings, sometimes with fangs, most of the god damn time with candy. Who also happens to be a knight and goes around doing his part at saving the world on a daily basis.

Wait, no I'm the fuck not sorry.

I'm also not sorry that Arthur, correct that again Lucien Arthur, is biker badass of the Godsmack Metallica mentality.

And I'll never apologize for turning the whole Mordred story into a brooding sorcerer with fangs, who spends all his time in the ocean surfing. Trying to avoid the entire world because he figures he's pretty much at fault for every damn thing.


If you think I spend too much time on line, playing at characters instead of dealing with real life, or whatever, it's because you're a muggle. Yes, a muggle. I try to explain this a lot, but if you don't have an imagination as complicated and whacked out as mine, you'll never understand. Go find whatever it is that muses YOU.

Just don't be suprised if my eyes start to glaze over mid way through. The asshole that is Damian wants me to say, it's because we're bored with whatever lame crap you want us to be interested in. You couldn't possibly comprehend what's REALLY cool. I want to argue and tell him to be nice, but the mood I'm in today.. Besides. He's got the voice of insanity in his head, 24/7.

Some days, I know exactly how that feels. God, I just wish there was a fucking button you could punch to turn it the fuck on.