just your everyday average meltdown

THE THING I LOVE MOST ABOUT LINKIN PARK is, whatever bad mood I'm in, they've got a song that fits it perfectly.

Carter will always be Evanescence. Lucien will always be an odd mixture of Godsmack, Enya, and Metallica. Ren is Eve 6. Rhys is Ozzy. Neen and Jude dance to the sound of rain on the roof in the springtime, during tornado season. Sarah dances alone to Mandy Moore in her apartment when she thinks her muse Rhys isn't paying attention. Joey, in all his punkness, is Sarah McLachlan in many ways. Parker is a little Bon Jovi, a little 3 Doors Down, a little Stargate music thrown in for good measure, with a dose of 'huh?' because Parker, he doesn't listen to music.

But they all, at one point or another, turn on the Linkin Park to yell, and scream, or just shout at the world HEY I'M HERE, pay attention, because I've got a story you wouldn't fucking believe.

I've been rereading things lately, that I wrote once upon a time before there was Ren defined, before Aspen met the Voice, back when Kiel was something else entirely and it was just me pacing the room, with the Evanescence on instant replay and the Starman in the other room probably wondering if I was going insane or acutually doing something productive for once.

Lucien strolling into that biker bar looking for a fight, with Joey and Parker tagging along to interrogate him about Ellie.

Neen in the tornado, with the big blue question mark dude. God I love that opening scene.

Carter's history. I'd forgotten it was documented, but I found it on the laptop. So bad do I want to post that, not that anyone cares, but it's still steeped too closely in Arthurian legend, need to rework it, and I love that Carter is this big mystery, for now. Explain where he comes from, and it takes away some of the why Joey et al think he's such a creepy dude. Well, maybe it does.

Jordan and Seph in Underworld, such a heady lusty rush I had to put it down and go wait, was this ME writing this? Oh, wait, yeah, then had to set it down again before I got lost in THAT tangent again.

Blackheart at the plaza, with Suz in the window. Another great one, that I wish like hell I could figure out where to go with it. Aaron, if you're listening, have your people call my people; we need to do lunch and map out a plan. Maybe Sunday, maybe Monday, maybe not...



None of this is making any sense to anyone, I know. Why? Because I keep most of it locked in my head or on my laptop. Safer that way. What do you say in thirty seconds or less to capture someone's interest when they casually ask, "Ren who?" or catch me speaking Jack&Ryan.


Somedays, I just want to shout to the world, HEY YOU STUPID FUCKS! I've got this amazing fucking world in my head if anyone cares! So many characters, so much that's going to happen, so much insane, complicated, CJ craziness. And the way it all slowly builds off of each other, coming together towards the big finish that I can sort of see...

God I fucking LOVE writing. Even when it's just me and Joey sitting on the couch reading what I wrote, wondering what we did wrong, I love it.

Someday, I'm going to find out why Blackheart's company fired Suz, what happens when everyone figures out whose son Kyle Murdock REALLY is, and wether or not Aden Andrews is going to come back from the dead. Maybe Neen's blue dude will always remain a mystery, but Kennie's going over the list of possibilities with Ren on the phone as we speak. No, not THAT Kennie and not THAT Ren. I'm talking about the real ones, the ones who came first and live in the world that maybe only I understand.

In the mean time, I stumble off to bed.



Shakespeare said it best :
The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils;
The motions of his spirit are dull as night,
And his affections dark as Erebus:
Let no such man be trusted. Mark the music

And so, I stumble off to bed to sleep, perchance to dream, taking with me the angry voices I love to sing and shout to:





I got a
Heart full of pain/head full of stress
Handful of anger/held in my chest
And everythings left is a waste of time
I hate my rhymes
(But hate everyone else's more)
I'm riding on the back of this pressure
Guessing that it's better
I can't keep myself together
Because all of this stress
Gave me something to write on
The pain gave me something
I could set my sights on
You never forget the blood, sweat, and tears
The uphill struggle over the years
The fear and trash talking
And the peopleit was to
And the people that started it
Just like you