what good are a thousand ideas without a story?

I must have a thousand ideas. And a thousand different characters for each idea. Of my three muses, one's story has been told, in my head, and I got about a third of it down in Word. Where's the rest? It seems impossible to finish. I've tried. Every time I try to delve back into it, I have to deal with the fact that Mattie's world has changed some since we tried to write Dead Earth. Which POV is better, Duff's or third? Hell if I know. I LOVE Mattie's perspective, but sometimes I worry that the adorableness of it is lost from the outside. Then there's the fact that I can never focus on one POV without trying to throw in twists. I KNOW what happens in Duff's story. I guess going back and writing all the tough parts seems boring. My mind is constantly going in a million directions. Focusing on something that's DONE is hard. Harder than I have the willpower for, apparently. Hell, I write to entertain. Mostly myself, and even if I act the normal for the mundys, there are worlds of things going on in my head. What fun is a story I've already found out the ending to?
Then there's Key. Key's story doesn't really have an ending. Key's story will end when I end, it's as simple as that. I have characters that come and go, and ones who have evolved. Key evolved from Joey, and Ren. Key gets me through the tough shit. Some day I could sit down and write the story of how Key meets the people he's spending the rest of his life with... his past, how he became a Merlinn. For now, that's all private. Watching his family live their lives keeps me musing and entertained, but I have no designs on pimping out Key's life to make a buck, or entertain someone else. Not yet, anyway. God knows Key and Ren have done all kinds of ridiculous shit for money, not that either of them need it, lol. I guess it would be a smart idea then, since we're not writing Key any time soon, to stop musing up new stories that tie in to what happens with Key and B, and Keaghan.
Then there's Cris. Cris doesn't have a story, he just snoops in on everyone else's. Biggest gossip I've ever seen, seriously. If I didn't know better, I'd think DOOL was created by an Angel. Cris has his own thing going on. Rhams and all that drama... now he's married or something and yay for him being sorted but its not getting me any closer to a word count.
What's the point of all this? I get to whine about being lost and now I can't even blame these three dorks.
Lately I've been having more of those days where I want to toss everything I've mused up in the can and start over. Of course the blank slate would come with Key and his "What the fuck babe, you can't toss me out and you god damn well know it"; Mattie, lost that he's supposed to be erased because he was busy flirting with Keaghan or some woman we don't even know, eating pizza; and Cris, lost under a pile of blankets, waiting as always for me to tell him a story. Preferrably one with a happy ending. Sigh.

I think my biggest problem is that I've got these three dorks, and all their drama. I've got a huge cast, and more drama. But the thing I need most, the thing that drives me to write, is a voice. THAT, that is what I'm missing.
Okay, Mattie has a voice. It's adorable and somewhat blonde. Jump up to the beginning and repeat.
Key also has a voice, but he's too much of an asshole for the rest of the world. Jump up to the beginning and repeat.

I thought I had a voice or two, but my world being tossed in a blender and set to puree at the beginning of the year has left me lost and confused. I'm not mourning a person...relationship I guess I should say. But I am mourning... the loss of my belief in love, romance, happily ever afters... MY shot at love and romance and happy ever after.
I've been struggling to find a voice to write with. Someone who' s in the same place I am- dealing with all the stages of divorce and grief and etc. Someone strong, like me, and independent, like me, and a little bit heartbroken over the idea that her happily ever after took a flying leap out the window. Someone through whom I can maybe whittle out a bit of hope, convince myself that going back seven years to wishing on stars is a good plan.
I'm working on one. Maybe, it will work. Maybe, it won't. At the moment she seems mostly flat and boring because she is, of course, MY voice. Toss all the sparkly cutenes and raindrops around her you want, but its still me talking through her, so yeah.

Then there's Martin's story. Martin's story has been dying to be told for a long while now. It could be fun to write. The problem is it requires a lot of setup and thinking on it and delving into that world.... and every time I set aside a block to write on it.... work calls. Deal with this, deal with that. Ooops I'm going on vacation and have no fucking work ethic so I'm sorry Ceej, but you've gotta cover. Hope you didn't have a life or plans or any other fucking thing, my boyfriendgirlfriend and i are going to florida chicago vegas nyc, you know, all the places you want to go but never get to. Keep working your ass off for that nonexistant bonus. Sucker.

Speaking of which, I have to go conduct a meeting on customer service in the morning because my employees don't yet grasp the simple concept of being friendly and saying hello. Tomorrow's lesson will be about writing shit down, remembering what your boss tells you to do, and the simple truth that anyone over the age of twenty should not have to be told to put on their name tag. Time for a quick nap.